This year I’ll be celebrating my 10th year in the IT industry, it has been a decade since I started working as a call center agent/graduating student up to today’s senior network engineer me. Some of my friends went on different ways: some were eaten by the system (kinain ng sistema) and some got to become leaders, managers, trainers — in short promoted.
Today while I was sitting at my desk as my boss left the office, he placed a message to our group chat via phone asking my colleague to come to CWTS. I asked my colleague what is CWTS? He said Celebrating with the Stars, and I was like wow it’s like a workplace performer’s night, so people who were invited there are people who excelled at work, the best — the performers.
Then suddenly as I have come to read all the attendees name from our other email, I found my name not in there. Not that I am expecting it in any way but when browsing through this kind of stuff, for me this is like a lottery I get excited, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I thought with the small group where I belong, with little competition, with all the advantages over my colleagues which were juniors by the way still — I wasn’t chosen.
Then several flashback came to me, the thoughts of why I wasn’t even promoted from my previous jobs where work is easy, manageable, ridiculous. And yes I know why, it’s my attitude towards work and my colleagues, my undignified composure (I am a jolly person) that may hint un-seriousness or irresponsibility. I usually don’t care about people around me lately and I guess ever since, and for me work is just another chore that my evil mommy would give me — the real reason.
When I used to be younger living with my mother, on arguments she would always say wala akong pakialam! Especially when she though she’s being too loudly heard noisily by the neighborhood. It was instilled to me that I shouldn’t care too, I was just a juvenile. When both of my parents abandoned me and I had to live with different people like my granny, aunties, back to my mom for a short while, and to my other granny, and back to my mom again my life became miserable. Thanking God that I wasn’t led to become a beggar in the streets, all the sufferings, scolds, shouts, slap, spank, maltreatment I endured made the — dark side of me.
Granting that I am old enough to realize that time has come to forget the past and lean on the future I just couldn’t it’s part of me. But if I will be given a wish to erase something in my memory, that would be my childhood. For all I know I am a caring person, loving, affectionate, thoughtful, but I just can’t do that anymore because I know I can’t. I also value results and yet I cannot devote my full time at work, think work, and live to work because it wasn’t me anymore I guess (before I was abandoned). So every time I am into something and it wasn’t for my happiness — I am halfhearted.
Conclusion: People who have had good childhood tend to be promoted more because they treat work like not a chore that your mamma would spank you for if not done. Being raised as a happy kid would incite you to become happy at what you do most of the time, also would let you become a loving and caring colleague and eventually would lead for you being selected as a leader. So to parents out there never abandon your children, treat them well, become good providers for them, teach them how to value consequences and results, care for them and — love them.
If a genie would grant me a wish, I would choose a great childhood 🙂